Excursion to Para-lies

Our excursion to the DR's paradise was more like a pair of lies! Actually, more than a pair of lies, it was all lies, from opening paragraph to ending the collage of photos.

Brochure: You will be picked up by a private driver and taken to a small boat for snorkeling
Truth: We were picked up by a driver in an old mini van and then had to wait to go get another loud, obnoxious American family and drive over 1 hour to the boat, which included not the 10-12 people we were told, but over 20!

Brochure: Dive in and view the variety of the DR's ocean life
Truth: We got in the boat with 20 other people and  went .25 miles from the shore and to go "snorkel" swimming for 15 minutes to see.... a few striped fish! My poor mom with her knee, it wasn't even worth it. I remember getting in the water and thinking, WTF is this?!

Brochure: Next, you'll discover the natural baths filled with a hundreds of multi-colored starfish.
Truth: There were no starfish, there were no fish, there were no shells; there was nothing but drunk humans. Shannon and I even snorkeled around to see if we could find starfish. THERE WAS NOTHING BUT WHITE SAND. In fact, the only starfish in the area was a dead one they'd pulled from a cooler for photo ops. When I called them on it, the photographer said, no no... put it in the water until I say "3". Okay, buddy i'll play along if it makes you happy. This rum and coke pit-stop is also where we realized it was going to be a very long booze cruise.

Brochure: You'll have the afternoon to relax on private Saona island after an authentic DR meal.
Truth: We piled on a boat with even more people (very dangerous and a few people had to help my mother transfer from one to the other since it was a big jump over choppy water) and headed to a "private" a la tour company private island, stood in line for some bulk-made BBQ chicken, rice and pineapple. After we ate we found a place to sit in the sun and/or shade. I got my mom to go in the water for a bit, but the waves were so harsh and the sand so rough we both cut ourselves off. She lost her balance from the crashing waves a few times, we got a nice gentleman to help her keep her balance enough to walk out. I walked to the end of island before it curved around, passed Russians modeling in the sand, families playing games and building sand castles, and lovers doing what they do best on tropical islands. We got back just as our boat was getting ready to leave. phew!

Brochure: Enjoy a catamaran ride back to the dock while enjoying free drinks and dancing.
Truth: the most accurate part of the entire trip, and the worst for me. I stupidly had taken my hat off and stuck it under my bag. A huge gust of wind picked it up, I prayed someone would catch it, but they were all too drunk to notice it flying around the boat and then ... it was gone. I cried most of the way home. The most wonderful birthday gift, purchased not even a year ago in PR and full of some of the most precious memories; and it was just gone. Not only that, but we had to endure the drunk rantings of some of a few of the Wisc.-based family the entire car ride home. The DR won on day 3 as well.

rating: 1 star. Save your money and if you want to go on a snorkeling tour, go to the Bahamas or Cancun!

 

 

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