Maybe, I'll think about it. In general, i think I'm a fairly friendly, out going, accepting person. These qualities have aided me throughout my life in being friends with a motley crew of characters. In high school, I played lacrosse, dated a skater, took art classes with the stoners, ate lunch with the show choir kids and rubbed elbows with the over achievers as part of the class presidency. And I've tried to follow this pattern throughout my life. I love it, everyone brings something new to the table.However, I've realized my Achilles heel is keeping in touch with EVERYONE, which makes it hard to focus on the here and now--curse the double edged sword of facebook! Also, amplify this with the fact that I had to swallow some rather hurtful medicine a few years back that left me...uncaring? debilitated? apathetic? I recognize that it affected me, but I didn't realize how much until I took a review this past week of my time in D.C. I realize that for the last few years I have had the largest F-OFF sign on my forehead. In the back of my mind I always knew it was there... but I would still get frustrated that I wasn't making any good friends in my current locale. This off-putting directional signal was not made any easier by the fast that, well, D.C. can be a hard place to get to know people. Everyone is older and thus has their allotment of friends and are too busy (I've heard MANY people say this) to make new ones--eep! Plus, it is a breading ground for the politico surface-type communication: toss the net wide over shallow water. Not saying everyone is like this, I've met some amazing people, but it does exist more here than any place I've ever lived. This is a struggle for someone who 1) has an apparent aversion to being vulnerable (a necessity for creating friendships) and 2) prefers deep roots.
Now, upon taking inventory this week, I realize that the more I physically tried to get to know people (service, parties, organize activities) the higher I built that mental wall. It's like, "Come on in...but don't touch anything." Let me tell you, it's exhausting! So, I'm trying... I'm going to try and switch off the crass light, flip over the "open" sign and let people in. I realize this will be a hard habit to break, but I want to find ways that will facilitate maintaining friendships I care about but focus on finding meaningful relationships now. I don't just want them, I know I need them. I need opportunities to help and learn from others and just make life more full...face to face.
3 comments:
This is a great post. I love the introspection. The 'wide net over shallow water' is a tough pill to swallow... This doesn't make true friends. Congrats on taking the scary and big step of change! Loyal, true friends are necessary. I think the sooner you evaluate how YOU (not you specifically, just one's self) contribute to a lack of having true friends, the sooner you can give yourself some healthy and motivating criticism to change and move forward! Just so you know, you have a true, loyal friend in AZ...Which is beyond the point, but still :) xoxox
fantastic. I think I'd like to patronage since you're open :)
Sincerely,
CC
I know you hate not including people, and you have such a big heart... but try this and see if it works:
1) limit FB so that people can only send you an email message. If they want to talk to you that bad, they will.
2) stay off IM unless needed
that still leaves emails and phone calls (thumbs up) and makes more time for personal interaction, the thing we all need! you're fantastic :)
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