RuLeS tO LiVe By

ome rules everyone should know. I recently met an old coworker for lunch and we began talking about her new boss. When she first started she thought he was the coolest person alive. Yet a few months down the road and in her words: "He's an absolute moron." Why? Apparently he doesn't know one valuable rule: You can't give yourself nicknames. He comes up with these random nicknames and tries to get people to use them. Not Possible! I would also like to add to this rule. Not only can you NOT give yourself nicknames, but you can't get rid of them either...as much as you may want to, it's just not going to happen.

Now, I've had a plethora of nicknames in my life ranging from what is easiest to yell on a playing field (I'd argue just my last name, it's one syllable after all, but who am I to argue?), terms of endearment, to some relating to my ethnic background--none of which have bothered me in the least. (Well, the acquiring of "Melf" was quite embarrassing but it's a good laugh now to the six people who still call me that!) However this weekend was a perfect example of how you have no say over nicknames given to you or the ability to negate them once acquired.

Now, I find streams of consciousness fascinatingly humorous. But never as much as during the conversation I had with a few friends this weekend which started with the economic crisis, met somewhere around squirrels and the bubonic plague...and ended with me receiving a new nickname: twinkilicious. Yes, twinkilicious. Now what kind of connotation do you think "twinkilicious" holds? If it's like Fergalicious, okay cool. But the fact is I know it doesn't.

So how did I get this I-wish-it-would-end nickname? I was talking to my friend Pete when we realized the 3rd hour of church was about to start. So, we migrate a bit, but instead of going to class we run into Arianne and Michelle who are likewise having a conversation. We all start chatting and are soon joined by Craig who, the financial genius that he is, starts explaining why the word "note" is on all our bills, what it means and how that affects our economic climate. Michelle starts to stress out a bit and asks what she should do... the reply? Food storage. Being single, we don't have food storage but Pete pipes in "you just need guns for food storage." Guns? "yeah, guns." True, not only can you protect yourself... but you can make everyone else grind the wheat that you stored--by gunpoint. I then interject and say we should also store cigarettes. People will pay handsomely for cigarettes!

Pete however is stuck on guns so in an attempt to show him a few gun "cons" Arianne expounds upon a story of a guy she met who got the bubonic plague from hunting and eating a squirrel. hmm...stick with the dogs then? We then start to discuss other things that would be good in food storage, i.e. things that never expire. Besides guns... Pete suggests twinkies. That's right the golden cake filled with white frosting. I guess as alluded to in the film Wall-E, they last forever. Now I have not had a twinkie in YEARS but I remember liking them... Um, apparently I am the only one! So, as the conversation runs it's course and we keep talking they dash my credibility by saying "well ms. twinkilicious over here"(insert grimace)...oh, crap. Horrible, horrible nickname.

Salutations on gchat abound today..make it stop...soon. Please.